Wha? An Official Black Omen Films Website? Saints Preserve Us!

The title is true! There's a website! It's all fancy. It's blackomenfilms.com, and it'll be the place I likely post to in coming centuries. Please adjust your bookmarks or RSS feeds or VR chamber coordinates or whatever you lot are into these days. :3

From blackomenfilms.com you'll be able to read up on the projects I've had my filthy mitts in. I'm not sure I'll use this here olde thyme bloge much anymore, not that I have been for the past year and a half or anything. I may still yet use this site for general interest stuff. Is it a bad idea to fill a professional-ish site with assorted strangeness? Probably. If I get cold feet I'll post that stuff here instead of there.

Cheers, big ears.
- The Wizaard

Awliens. Vompyre. This is Radiorama.

The 80s was special. You know this.

You may not know Radiorama. They're Italo-Disco and your new master.




Awliens. Awliens. Whatcha gonna' do? I love the poor man's R2D2 doing a constant 'suck it'.

Simona Zanini's dance has revealed new realms of eroticism inside me, and I know that I can never be the same.

Here's a little tune about Vompyre.


"Like a tiger vampire." That's pretty serious.

They also have a song titled Yeti, so they've really covered a lot of ground with their work. The electronic solos in all of their hot tracks feel like they could be the backdrop to some kind of magic medieval forest adventure. When was the last time you went on one? The forest misses you, you know.


Not seeing this on my blog? Original post can be found here.

HEYYEYAAEYAAAEYAEYAA: He-Man + Cher = LOL

I wasn't one of the 14 million people who had seen this already. Are you like me?

This is why I love the internet with all my heart:

Chinese Game Of Thrones Season 2 Cover! Featuring Thor. Wow.

For those who haven't seen the gorgeous cover from a now legendary Chinese bootleg of Game of Thrones Season 2, feast your valyrian steel blades on this:

ZOMG it's Ned! Alive and well. How about that, eh? And he's Thor'd the fuck out. Remember that part in book 2 where Mr. Stark shows up and saves the day after having found Mjollnir, Thor's magic hammer? No? Oh right, that was just a Bath Salts hallucination. I'll never go to Bath & Body Works again.

Fun fact: Mjollnir literally means 'The Crusher'

Funkadelic vs. Infected Mushroom

Want to do some simple youtube DJing?

Came across these instructions when I listened to Funkadelic's Maggot Brain on youtube. You can do an interesting overlay by playing Infected Mushroom's Heavyweight at the same time. By all means listen to both tracks individually first if you've got some minutes to spend.

Here's what you do with the following two youtube vids:

1 - Put Heavyweight at 25% volume and leave Maggot Brain at 100% volume. Maggot Brain's the first vid.
2 - Start Heavyweight. When the first noise sounds (about 1 second into it), hit play on Maggot Brain.
3 - Trip out in some rave-like fashion.

If you're reading this on bookface, the vids won't show up. Here's the link to the original blog post.

Christopher Lee Makes a Metal Album

 Then you have elected the way....of metal!

Sir Christopher Lee, who seems to have traced his family tree back to Charlemagne, has decided to make a metal record based on the life of his ancient ancestor. It'll be a rock opera, and he'll be singing the part of Charlemagne. He's currently 88.

Lee's actually done a bit of metal work before, lending his resonant voice to the songs of power metal colossuses like Manowar and Rhapsody. In a vlog he posted, he describes his surprise over his burgeoning interest in metal of the symphonic variety, which is a breed of metal in which you 'can actually hear what's being said,' he puts it with a slight scowl. Symphonic metal, which is basically power metal drowned in orchestral bombasticism and melodrama, is about as cheesy as music can get.

Here's a sample:



Did you hear his fell voice on the wind? Gandalf my old friend, this should be an album to remember.

IT'S SARUUMAAAAAAANNNNN *avalanche*

If you're reading this on bookface, the vids won't show up. Here's the link to the original blog post.

Indian Superman and Spidergirl

Just in case you haven't already seen this particular bollywood wonder, here's a video with superman and spidergirl, in love and dancing through the sky.

Originally posted on my blog hereabouts.

Solar Deathray

Some clever young evil scientist built himself a solar deathray that ups the solar heat we receive on earth 5000 times onto a single spot. Yep. Check out the vid:





The best part is knowing that the ray device was lost in a building fire.


Originally posted on my blog hereabouts.

Donald Duck Did It First

Inception? McScrooge? No, I do not believe this!

Thought I'd pass this Cracked.com link on. A friend posted it upon bookface and it was of the amusement. In it, it describes how farseeing Donald Duck is. You will not believe the wonders within.

Black Metal Meets Surf Rock!

On a whim yesterday I googled "black surf rock," hoping that someone, somewhere, had also thought that a fusion of Norwegian black metal and surf rock would be a music to end all musics. Though I hoped, I expected little. I didn't think anyone would have actually bothered.

I'm sorry I doubted you, internet.

Some geniuses (perhaps the same one) have put up a handful of surf rock covers of black metal essentials, by the likes of Burzum, Emperor, and Darkthrone. I present to you, then, The Burzums! The Emperors! And The Darkthrones!

(Just a heads up on the first vid - it starts with a few seconds of footage featuring a bird getting swatted from the air by a desert wind turbine, in grim California style)







These are all done by MrMeddled, and there's more cool stuff on his youtube channel. Do check out his write ups for each video, since they're wildly entertaining reads. Here's a sample:

The Burzums was the musical project by Varg "Charlie" Vikernes. It began during 1961 in Bergen, California and quickly became prominent within the early Californian surf scene. During 1962 and 1963, The Burzums recorded four albums; however, in 1964 Vikernes was convicted and imprisoned for stealing a box of matches, stealing a box of matches on a Sunday, siphoning fuel from a parked Studbaker, posessing a guitar amp rated above 10 Watts (the upper threshold of human hearing in 1964) and protesting loudly about how much of his hard earned money was creamed off and wasted on that joke of an airplane known as the Lockheed F-104 Starfighter. While imprisoned, Vikernes recorded two offensively bad albums in the dark ambient surf style.

Hilarious, given that Varg "Count Grishnack" Vikernes was in fact the guy that unwittingly put black metal on the map by burning churches and getting convicted of murder back in the early 90s.

And on a side note, a little band called Hurtigruten. Their track 'The Black Surfers' is another cover of Emperor's 'I Am The Black Wizards,' a title I never get tired of saying aloud.

Black metal riffs lend themselves surprisingly well to surf guitar, given both genres insistance on tremolo picking. In some cases it sounds like you could pretty much just slow down a black metal riff and take out the distortion for instant and eerie surf rock.

How I wish these were real bands, and their tracks available in album form. I would pay good gold for these items. What a grim black metal beach party I would dance in.

If you don't see the vids, they'll be on my original blog post here.

The Latest From Tommy Wiseau, Director of The Room!

THE HOUSE THAT DRIPS BLOOD ON ALEX. A short 12 minute film and a not-so-chilling tale about a guy that buys a house from a shifty evil guy.

If you've seen the historic The Room by Tommy Wiseau, you'll know what to expect. Tommy failed embarrassingly to craft a serious drama in The Room, and ended up creating instead what has been hailed by many as the worst movie ever made. To save face and spin his failure into a money-making success, he decided to call his film a piece of irony. Now he's making comedy and claims that comedy was his goal all along.

Now that he's purposely trying to make his films terrible, will he lose his charm? You be the judge!

I can say this: he seems fixated on rooms and houses. Oh Crom. This man might be an auteur. Can you be an auteur unintentionally? Why I am I shrivelling inside?

The Poetics of IMDB: Piranha 3D

IMDB forum users are second only to Youtube when it comes to unintentionally ridiculous user posts that seem to defy all written tradition and push language, one bizarre sentence at a time, towards typographical poop-flinging.

If you haven't seen Piranha 3D yet, you damn well better make plans for it. I made up my mind to see it after I was shown this IMDB gem at work a week ago. It was being edited by other users as I we read it, so I thought to record it for the good of humanity. This is supposed to be the IMDB ratings guide for Piranha 3D, but it is clearly and accidentally poetry. Note the use of spelling, quotation marks, parenthesis and over-punctuation to guide your eyes into confusion. 'Violence & Gore' is haunting free-verse. 'Profanity' looks a bit like haiku.


Piranha 3D (2010)

Sex & Nudity

{Not a movie for children or teenagers younger than 18 because there's a lot of ("Graphic" Full Frontal female Nudity) all throught this film by many women including (Porn Stars) such as: Riley Steele (Porn Star)}.

A man's penis is bitten off and spit at the screen, not discernable though.

Women Nude including: (Breasts, nipples, vaginas, and butts).
Graphic sexual dialogue and references!!


Violence & Gore

Skin is ripped from the bones, baring them

Gallons of blood fill the lake of the party goers

People are pulled into inner-tubes and torn to pieces
A girl has her hands and face skinned by the piranhas

A man is eaten alive

Party goes are torn to bits, some in the nude

The film is full of ridiculous amounts of blood and gore

Piranhas explode; Their eyes burst from the bodies
A servered eye floats in the water

A mans hand is skinned


Profanity

This movies contains quite a few swear words through out the film.
Alcohol/Drugs/Smoking

Lots of teenage drinking
Frightening/Intense Scenes


The movies "feel" changes from happy and party like to gory and distrubing. Children may be frightend by the piranhas, and the death scenes in the film. The movie is over-the-top gore and blood.
Page last updated by daugherty91, 27 minutes ago
Top 5 Contributors: Skeptic-Fool, iAspie, mfama_2081, Rowi111, t-burke5


Kind of reads at points like e.e. cummings, no? I guess daugherty91 is the likely author, but I like to think that iAspie was mostly responsible for this, so that I can imagine some basement genius crippled by Aspergers sweating over a PC.

This picture is unrelated.

The ratings guide has since been changed to this, a long and wordy account of all the wonderful sex and violence that, still, sounds pretty surreal through the telling. Just how many remarkable things are replaced on internet forums every hour without anyone ever catching it? It makes me weep tears of bitter longing.

Posted from The Quest for a Quest.

Louis Armstrong, Death Metalled At Last

A death metal version of a What A Wonderful World!

Armstong's expressions work awfully well for the metal growl. He was a pretty growly singer after all, but I hadn't expected the quietly disdainful sideglances he gives his audience in this vid. :3




Link here if you don't see the video!

A Pokémon Commentary

This video filled me with the utmost joy. Two guys shouting at a Pokémon movie.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Link here.

I too feel that Snorlax is supreme.

It reminded me of this quick video that had me laughing in hysterical fits, which probably seems strange to anyone that isn't much for Pokémon:



Link here.

I like that the guy's already angry when he starts to guess.

8-Bit Star Craft

A lovely animated 8-bit rendition of what Star Craft on the Commodore 64 could have been. Star Craft at its most adorable.

Oglaf - Perverse Fantasy Comix

Check out this wonderfully perverse fantasy webcomic at Oglaf.com.

Heard from a friend that the cartoonist had originally intended to create a porn site, but ended up with a webcomic similar to the historic Sexy Losers series. Oglaf is graphic, taboo shattering, and really very clever. Playing with fantasy tropes is a good way to get on my good side. Example: the super-charged machismo of Conan. Oglaf gives us Kronar.

And if the raunchy stuff doesn't typically impress you, it isn't always the crux of the joke:

Objectum Sexuality - Holy Fuck.

Heard of OS before?

It's when people don't form emotionally and physically intimate relationships with other people, but instead find themselves attracted to objects. Like amusement park rides, fences, the Berlin Wall, the Eiffel Tower, an archery bow. They anthropomorphize and animate objects to the point where they can fall in love with them. This just blows my feeble human mind.

Read this article and/or watch a part of this documentary here.

What would I love if I had this sexual preference? Probably this.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #36: The Room (2003)

This image, this face, was on a lone billboard for years with the tagline "Can you really trust anyone?" Audiences were not disappointed.

Here's how I heard about The Room:

A friend of mine says "Hey, I need you to track down a movie for me. Have you heard about this movie called The Room?"

I said no.

He says "It's supposed to be the worst movie ever made."

I was interested.

"Apparently Alec Baldwin was walking past a huge line-up filled with twenty-somethings and paused long to enough to ask what was going on. A guy told him 'It's The Room, it's the worst movie I've ever seen. I've seen it four times.' Then Alec Baldwin got in line."

I was very interested.

The greatest Baldwin had this to say: “It’s like ‘Rocky Horror Picture Show’ without the wit or charm.” I don't think that's terribly accurate, since I've always considered Rocky Horror clever, competent, and actually pretty artsy in an elemental and carnival way. The Room is more like a late night blue-movie without the wit or charm. Sorry, with less wit and charm. It is, however, wildly entertaining for it.

It's essentially one Tommy Wiseau's earnest attempt to make a film about human passion and foible utterly ruined by his passion and foible. Wiseau's not a good writer, he's not a good director, and he's an even worse actor. What he does have is the money to produce a motion picture, though, and The Room is a motion picture. I can't really praise it unironically beyond that. I can say that it's been awhile since I've seen a movie this hilariously terrible, Birdemic: Shock and Terror at the Bloor Cinema aside. This'll be a great party movie for sure, and for extra flavour, try downloading the Rifftrax for a couple bucks - Rifftrax being downloadable comedic commentaries produced by some of the old Mystery Science Theater 3000 crew.

So: Beautiful and terrible as the dawn. And Wiseau looks and sounds like he should be fronting a European power metal band. We'll say it's called Owl King.

Laddergoat

Video games can get pretty surreal. Sometimes, if you're very lucky and have a pure soul, like the guy playing Call of Juarez 2: Bound in Blood in the laddergoat video, a game will do something really unnatural. In those moments, a seemingly mundane NPC or object can be vaulted into transcendental greatness. Something might refuse to be bound by its limitations. A humble goat might become laddergoat.

Keep the volume reasonably low. He laughs piercingly and uncontrollably for 2 or 3 minutes. After he gives up on the goat, you can move back onto whatever it is you were doing. Godspeed you.

Axe Cop

This makes me happy beyond belief. Here's an absolutely charming comic written by five year old Malachai Nicolle, clearly a genius, and drawn by his brother Ethan, who had the incredible talent and sense to bring his little brother's creation to the internet hordes. I was immediately hooked by this animatic of episode 1. Watch it and marvel.

You can find all the comix at Axecop.com.

Also check out the 'Ask Axe Cop' section of the site - a few of them have also been turned into an animatic. :3