Monday, August 30, 2010

The Poetics of IMDB: Piranha 3D



IMDB forum users are second only to Youtube when it comes to unintentionally ridiculous user posts that seem to defy all written tradition and push language, one bizarre sentence at a time, towards typographical poop-flinging.

If you haven't seen Piranha 3D yet, you damn well better make plans for it. I made up my mind to see it after I was shown this IMDB gem at work a week ago. It was being edited by other users as I we read it, so I thought to record it for the good of humanity. This is supposed to be the IMDB ratings guide for Piranha 3D, but it is clearly and accidentally poetry. Note the use of spelling, quotation marks, parenthesis and over-punctuation to guide your eyes into confusion. 'Violence & Gore' is haunting free-verse. 'Profanity' looks a bit like haiku.


Piranha 3D (2010)

Sex & Nudity

{Not a movie for children or teenagers younger than 18 because there's a lot of ("Graphic" Full Frontal female Nudity) all throught this film by many women including (Porn Stars) such as: Riley Steele (Porn Star)}.

A man's penis is bitten off and spit at the screen, not discernable though.

Women Nude including: (Breasts, nipples, vaginas, and butts).
Graphic sexual dialogue and references!!


Violence & Gore

Skin is ripped from the bones, baring them

Gallons of blood fill the lake of the party goers

People are pulled into inner-tubes and torn to pieces
A girl has her hands and face skinned by the piranhas

A man is eaten alive

Party goes are torn to bits, some in the nude

The film is full of ridiculous amounts of blood and gore

Piranhas explode; Their eyes burst from the bodies
A servered eye floats in the water

A mans hand is skinned


Profanity

This movies contains quite a few swear words through out the film.
Alcohol/Drugs/Smoking

Lots of teenage drinking
Frightening/Intense Scenes


The movies "feel" changes from happy and party like to gory and distrubing. Children may be frightend by the piranhas, and the death scenes in the film. The movie is over-the-top gore and blood.
Page last updated by daugherty91, 27 minutes ago
Top 5 Contributors: Skeptic-Fool, iAspie, mfama_2081, Rowi111, t-burke5


Kind of reads at points like e.e. cummings, no? I guess daugherty91 is the likely author, but I like to think that iAspie was mostly responsible for this, so that I can imagine some basement genius crippled by Aspergers sweating over a PC.

This picture is unrelated.

The ratings guide has since been changed to this, a long and wordy account of all the wonderful sex and violence that, still, sounds pretty surreal through the telling. Just how many remarkable things are replaced on internet forums every hour without anyone ever catching it? It makes me weep tears of bitter longing.

Posted from The Quest for a Quest.

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