Wha? An Official Black Omen Films Website? Saints Preserve Us!

The title is true! There's a website! It's all fancy. It's blackomenfilms.com, and it'll be the place I likely post to in coming centuries. Please adjust your bookmarks or RSS feeds or VR chamber coordinates or whatever you lot are into these days. :3

From blackomenfilms.com you'll be able to read up on the projects I've had my filthy mitts in. I'm not sure I'll use this here olde thyme bloge much anymore, not that I have been for the past year and a half or anything. I may still yet use this site for general interest stuff. Is it a bad idea to fill a professional-ish site with assorted strangeness? Probably. If I get cold feet I'll post that stuff here instead of there.

Cheers, big ears.
- The Wizaard

New Conan Stills

Haven't seen any of the stills released for the new Conan flick? NOW YOU CAN IF YOU ARE STRONG AND FREE FROM THE YOKE OF MORALITY LIKE CONAN

Word is that the film will be released next year. And Rose Mcgowan is supposed to be in it. Not much detail beyond that. She was supposed to star in Robert Rodriguez' Red Sonja until their romance went badly. Could she be Red Sonja in Conan? Could it possibly be...a Robert E. Howard crossover!? Mcgowan is, of course, allowed to say very little about the topic, though the first picture you'll see after clicking the link supposedly features her, I wonder if it's just a dirty trick. The secrecy seems strange.

The Latest From Tommy Wiseau, Director of The Room!

THE HOUSE THAT DRIPS BLOOD ON ALEX. A short 12 minute film and a not-so-chilling tale about a guy that buys a house from a shifty evil guy.

If you've seen the historic The Room by Tommy Wiseau, you'll know what to expect. Tommy failed embarrassingly to craft a serious drama in The Room, and ended up creating instead what has been hailed by many as the worst movie ever made. To save face and spin his failure into a money-making success, he decided to call his film a piece of irony. Now he's making comedy and claims that comedy was his goal all along.

Now that he's purposely trying to make his films terrible, will he lose his charm? You be the judge!

I can say this: he seems fixated on rooms and houses. Oh Crom. This man might be an auteur. Can you be an auteur unintentionally? Why I am I shrivelling inside?

Local I, Scream Horrorfest Starts today!

The local I, Scream Horrorfest begins today, located at The GIG Theatre on 137 Ontario st. in Kitchener, and lasts through to saturday and sunday! Go here for the schedule. If there's anything you'd like to see, you can bring 5 canned goods or non-perishable items for the food bank and ticket prices are halved. Like magic!

Calling All Zombies! Film Shoot on the 23rd and 24th!

CAFKA, Kitchener Waterloo's contemporary arts forum, is spearheading the work of artist Jillian McDonald, who deals primarily in, oddly and wonderfully enough, ZOMBIES. She's shooting a performance piece on film, where she needs as many zombies as she can get attacking the Steel Rail train in Waterloo. That's the one that runs to St. Jacobs.

People who show up with their own zombie makeup on will be an asset, but there will also be makeup people on hand to touch up or help you. Here's the write up on the facebook event titled Zombie Film Shoot at the Waterloo Train Station:

So, CAFKA is doing an art project to coincide with the Steel Rail train party on Friday September 24th. They need zombies to show up on Thursday and Friday to participate in a filmed and live event. This is a 2 day commitment.

Here are the details:

They need about 15 zombies for Thursday at 1:00 pm at the Train Station. These people need to commit to showing up Friday night for the live attack as well. You can do your own make up ...ahead of time but they will also have make up artists there to zombify you or touch things up.

They need more zombies to show up at 6:00 pm for the second stage of shooting. As many zombies as possible would be great. If you can commit to being there again on Friday night that would be even better.

The schedule of events is:

1 p.m. Thursday, September 23:
Make-up

2 p.m. Thursday, September 23:
Shooting while the train is moving: 15 zombies required.

6 p.m. Thursday, September 23:
Make-up

8 p.m. Thursday, September 23:
Shooting of zombies swarming train at Waterloo Station.

10 p.m. Friday, September 24:
Zombies to participate in a live event.

If you show up Thursday, you will be told when you need to be at the train station for make-up on Friday night. It all has to be timed right.

This is a great opportunity for local zombies to take part in a film/art project/live theatre event. It sounds amazing. Sadly, your Zombiemaster is out of town and cannot participate but I'm sure you will all do me proud out there.

The artist involved is Jillian McDonald and the co-ordinater is Gordon Hatt. Track them down if you need more info or want to help.

- Zombiemaster Mike

Here's a bit from Gordon Hatt:

CAFKA is really excited to to see the great response to our zombie shooting on Thursday September 23 and the performance on Friday, September 24. Basically, we need about 15 hard core zombies for Thursday afternoon to be ready by the 2 p.m. train departure and shooting. More zombies are need at 8 when s...hoot a swarming of the train. On Friday night at 10, we will do it again with as many zombies as we can muster. We are going to be doing basic make-up and costume at the train station before shooting and performing, but if you want to develop a more elaborate make-up and costume at home, by all means.

Jillian Mcdonald has done a number of zombie performances and shootings in Canada, the United States and in Europe. She is really great to work with. Please call me at the CAFKA office (519.744.5123) email me (gwhatt@cafka.org) or contact me on FB for more details.

Be sure to keep an eye on the CAFKA website for the comings and goings of our regions local artists, and as a great bonus, national and international ones too.

The Poetics of IMDB: Piranha 3D

IMDB forum users are second only to Youtube when it comes to unintentionally ridiculous user posts that seem to defy all written tradition and push language, one bizarre sentence at a time, towards typographical poop-flinging.

If you haven't seen Piranha 3D yet, you damn well better make plans for it. I made up my mind to see it after I was shown this IMDB gem at work a week ago. It was being edited by other users as I we read it, so I thought to record it for the good of humanity. This is supposed to be the IMDB ratings guide for Piranha 3D, but it is clearly and accidentally poetry. Note the use of spelling, quotation marks, parenthesis and over-punctuation to guide your eyes into confusion. 'Violence & Gore' is haunting free-verse. 'Profanity' looks a bit like haiku.


Piranha 3D (2010)

Sex & Nudity

{Not a movie for children or teenagers younger than 18 because there's a lot of ("Graphic" Full Frontal female Nudity) all throught this film by many women including (Porn Stars) such as: Riley Steele (Porn Star)}.

A man's penis is bitten off and spit at the screen, not discernable though.

Women Nude including: (Breasts, nipples, vaginas, and butts).
Graphic sexual dialogue and references!!


Violence & Gore

Skin is ripped from the bones, baring them

Gallons of blood fill the lake of the party goers

People are pulled into inner-tubes and torn to pieces
A girl has her hands and face skinned by the piranhas

A man is eaten alive

Party goes are torn to bits, some in the nude

The film is full of ridiculous amounts of blood and gore

Piranhas explode; Their eyes burst from the bodies
A servered eye floats in the water

A mans hand is skinned


Profanity

This movies contains quite a few swear words through out the film.
Alcohol/Drugs/Smoking

Lots of teenage drinking
Frightening/Intense Scenes


The movies "feel" changes from happy and party like to gory and distrubing. Children may be frightend by the piranhas, and the death scenes in the film. The movie is over-the-top gore and blood.
Page last updated by daugherty91, 27 minutes ago
Top 5 Contributors: Skeptic-Fool, iAspie, mfama_2081, Rowi111, t-burke5


Kind of reads at points like e.e. cummings, no? I guess daugherty91 is the likely author, but I like to think that iAspie was mostly responsible for this, so that I can imagine some basement genius crippled by Aspergers sweating over a PC.

This picture is unrelated.

The ratings guide has since been changed to this, a long and wordy account of all the wonderful sex and violence that, still, sounds pretty surreal through the telling. Just how many remarkable things are replaced on internet forums every hour without anyone ever catching it? It makes me weep tears of bitter longing.

Posted from The Quest for a Quest.

Survival of the Dead Screening at Princess Tonight!

The latest George A. Romero zombie installment, Survival of the Dead, is getting a screening care of Gen X Video tonight at the original Princess Cinema in uptown Waterloo. It's a zombie dress-up, so go in costume for 8:30 and pick up some prizes if you're worthy.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #49: Tarkan Vs. The Vikings (1971)

I am going to talk about Turkey.

Turkey’s typically drab and melodramatic cinematic output was slim to nil until the late 1960s hit the country like Attila the Hun. Turkey’s film industry exploded in the blink of an eye, and what once was the meagre production of a handful of films a year became approximately three hundred, at its apex. This explosion resulted in the creation of a mad host of exploitation films, filled with all the violence, sadism, sex, and senseless nudity that defined the genre. Drawing much inspiration from 1930s and 1940s American serials (the likes of Zorro, Flash Gordon, and Tarzan), the Turkish pop cinema often showcased the ultra-cliché: testosterone-powered soldiers, masked superheroes, and indomitable barbarian sword-slingers. These films shamelessly ripped material from popular Hollywood films, stealing soundtracks and even going so far as to insert whole film sequences. Of the most famous is the notorious ‘The Man Who Saves the World’ (1982), or ‘Turkish Star Wars’ as its affectionately called. Check it out on youtube.com, it’s all there.

As TV took hold in the 70s, the Turkish cinema began to flounder. Distributors began to insist on racier sex scenes in an attempt to draw people back into the theatres. It worked, and for a time the theatres were packed tighter than ever before. According to Aytekin Akkaya (of Turkish Star Wars fame), the cultural climate was all but sexually free, and the soft-core sex scenes that the films contained (mostly little more than topless women, in truth) were a necessary release.

By the time the 80s rolled around, the Turkish cinema had just about exhausted itself, and American cinema had taken its place upon Turkish screens. Sadly, the bulk of the films produced during this period of boom are lost – many films were actually destroyed for the silver contained in the negatives.

BUT TARKAN VS. THE VIKINGS REMAINS. And you must see it. Based off a popular Turkish comic book, Tarkan features a patriotic Turkish barbarian, upholding Turkish ideals, fighting Vikings and giant octopi, and laying with Valkyries and exotic oriental assassins. For your trouble you’ll get to see another film on the dvd, one titled The Deathless Devil (1973). This one’s a superhero film, and while perhaps not as grand, it is well worth the watch if you’ve some friends handy. You’ll even get to see the featurette from which, in the spirit of Turkey, I have stolen the material for this article.

So: I can't express how much I love this movie.

The Princess Bride and 8 1/2 at the Original Princess!

Legendary 'romantic fantasy motion picture' The Princess Bride scheduled to play the Original Princess Cinema tomorrow, Tuesday the 17th, at 7pm. If you like pictures moving in front of you, and romance and fantasy and Andre the fucking Giant, go and see it!





Also, the following Wednesday, also at 7pm, Fellini's even more legendary 8 1/2 is being screened. Autobiographical and lush, this one's an 'Italian arthouse dark sunglasses black and white motion picture.' If you've never seen an artsy foreign film before, or just feel like tasting a splash of Italy, give it a shot.



This is a double whammy of wicked film. Check out the Princess schedule for a full outline.

Protip: The Original Princess only takes cash.

Miyazaki Has Made a PS3 Game!

Legendary master of animation Hayao Miyazaki, creator of Princess Mononoke and other fantastic films, has decided to make an RPG. That news fills my heart with joy.

Looks pretty wonderful, like all Miyazaki projects. So far it seems like it's just in Japanese, and there's no telling whether or not we'll see an English release in North America. But fingers crossed! And please buy me a gaming console.

Here's a vid!

Objectum Sexuality - Holy Fuck.

Heard of OS before?

It's when people don't form emotionally and physically intimate relationships with other people, but instead find themselves attracted to objects. Like amusement park rides, fences, the Berlin Wall, the Eiffel Tower, an archery bow. They anthropomorphize and animate objects to the point where they can fall in love with them. This just blows my feeble human mind.

Read this article and/or watch a part of this documentary here.

What would I love if I had this sexual preference? Probably this.

Dragon Age Anime Announced

Game giant BioWare and anime giant FUNimation have teamed up to produce a direct to DVD anime film that will expand on the Dragon Age universe, and is slated for release sometime next year, likely to coincide with the release of the next Dragon Age title. BioWare has mentioned that they're aiming for a classic style of anime, which, I hope, means something akin to anime greats like Akira and Ninja Scroll.

The world waits....

Lifeforce is Playing at the Princess!

Heads up! Lifeforce will be screening at the original Princess Cinema on two nights - Sunday the 20th and Tuesday the 22nd!

Lifeforce feels like what would result if a b-movie producer was suddenly given a hollywood budget to do whatever he or she wanted. "So it needs vampires! And zombies! Naked babes too. And they better be in space at some point! Scientists, laboratories, detectives. And we better take this one seriously you guys! Get to it." It's a really bizarre and wonderful genre mishmash of a film. And decidedly British.

You can read the Princess write up here and/or watch the trailer below.



I'll likely be going on the Tuesday. :3

The Wild Hunt hits Waterloo, June 4th-9th!

I've been waiting for this one. This Canadian film about LARPers turning savage is getting some buzz. There isn't much opportunity to catch a Canadian film in our current cinematic climate, so have yourself a rare experience. You can read the full write up on the film at the Princess page hereabouts. The screenings are part of the Canada Film Days festival, which should be worth following!

It's screening at the original princess from today onwards to the 9th. The directors themselves will be at tonight's screening to chat and answer questions.

LARP + Viking = Liking!

I Heart Video Art II

I Heart Video Art II is finally upon us! If you'd like to go to a swanky par-tay with strange and interesting video images thrown all about you, go and do it!

It's happening tomorrow, from 7 pm till midnight at the Critical Media Lab on 195 King Street West, across the street from Kitchener City Hall.

Put on by wonderful CAFKA, admission is $20, but CAFKA members and students get in for $15.

Avatar LARP

Who wants to start a Hometree Ontario and hang out with Na'vi hunks and babes?? Oh, yeah me neither...

But if we did, I think it'd go....why, a little something like this!

David Mamet's Memo on Writing

...Are you a writer? OR A WRONGER

So David Mamet apparently sent a big all caps memo to the staff writers who were working on writing the now canceled 'The Unit,' a military drama that was airing on CBS a couple of years ago. The leaked memo seems to indicate that Mamet was hesitant to call what was being written drama at all. It's pretty awesome, and is chalk full of great writerly wisdom for any screenwriter working on most kinds of drama.

Here's a taste:

"...ANY DICKHEAD WITH A BLUESUIT CAN BE (AND IS) TAUGHT TO SAY “MAKE IT CLEARER”, AND “I WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT HIM”.

WHEN YOU’VE MADE IT SO CLEAR THAT EVEN THIS BLUESUITED PENGUIN IS HAPPY, BOTH YOU AND HE OR SHE WILL BE OUT OF A JOB."

Right on, Mamet.

A friend and elite Gen X co-worker pointed this wicked internet finding out. Read the FULL MEMO HERE! The comments posted on the article are good reading as well.

Battleship Potemkin screening with Orchestra!

Eisenstein's 1925 silent masterpiece The Battleship Potemkin is screening at the Registry Theatre (122 Frederick st, in Kitchener) on April 15th at 8 pm, the witching hour. It'll be presented with a live soundtrack by the VOC Silent Film Harmonic, and tickets are $15 in advance or $10 at the door if you bring a donation for the food bank with you.

This is the film with the famous 'Odessa Steps sequence' that has been referenced time and time again in cinema and television, where an occupied baby carriage rolls treacherously down a flight of stairs as people look on in horror. And the civilian massacre put on by the Cossacks probably can't be helping.

So lend a hand to the common man and take in the finest piece of Russian propaganda ever created, you damn redniks! You ate my children and I'll have my revenge.

Kitchener/Waterloo's Local Focus Film Festival!

A short film of mine will be screened in it!

Heard about the Local Focus Festival yet? It's a free film festival put on by The Multicultural Cinema Club, which supplies rental equipment and other extremely useful filmmaking resources.

The films will be screening at Kitchener City Hall, and the opening gala is tonight at 6 o'clock. Go there and schmooze, and see some clips from the festival's selection. Most of (if not all) the films are locally produced, so this is a chance for local filmmakers to display their works for the city's public.

My entry was for the 24 film challenge, which will be screening with the others in the category this Saturday at 2pm! It's called The Pharaoh - and mark it well, for there shall be more.

Check out the Festival Schedule for other event screening times!

Just in case y'all didn't know: Cinemateque Waterloo

Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine in The Apartment (1960)

Ever wanted to see some older films on the big screen? The Cinemateque Waterloo is a local organisation that brings in great prints of classic must-see films that are made so much more personal by sitting in a theatre and sharing the experience. Getting your seat kicked and whatnot. Check their website out for their schedule. Their presentations run through the Princess Cinemas, and the Cinemateque starts the screening off with a brief presentation about the film's history and interpretations, which is typically pretty fascinating.

I managed to catch Lawrence of Arabia there, which was filmed on the kind of 70mm scale that demands to be seen on a big screen. I was watching it for the first time, and it was an experience I'm not soon going to forget. Some things you need to see sitting in the mystique-heavy dark room of the theatre, shadowy seat-tops and breathing people.

Peter O'Toole and Omar Sharif in Lawrence of Arabia (1962)

They screen on Tuesday evenings. You should go. :3