Star Wars Old Republic E3 Trailer

Seen this? Pretty damn epic.

Oglaf - Perverse Fantasy Comix

Check out this wonderfully perverse fantasy webcomic at Oglaf.com.

Heard from a friend that the cartoonist had originally intended to create a porn site, but ended up with a webcomic similar to the historic Sexy Losers series. Oglaf is graphic, taboo shattering, and really very clever. Playing with fantasy tropes is a good way to get on my good side. Example: the super-charged machismo of Conan. Oglaf gives us Kronar.

And if the raunchy stuff doesn't typically impress you, it isn't always the crux of the joke:

Miyazaki Has Made a PS3 Game!

Legendary master of animation Hayao Miyazaki, creator of Princess Mononoke and other fantastic films, has decided to make an RPG. That news fills my heart with joy.

Looks pretty wonderful, like all Miyazaki projects. So far it seems like it's just in Japanese, and there's no telling whether or not we'll see an English release in North America. But fingers crossed! And please buy me a gaming console.

Here's a vid!

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #39: Red Dwarf: Back to Earth (2009)

It was a long wait for Red Dwarf fans. Series VIII ended in 1999. Over the ten year gap Dwarfers grew jaded (if they had not already been so) and milled about in great and murderous street gangs, causing mischief and violence wherever they went. Hanging out in vindaloo joints. Drinking lager. Smoking kippers. Petting cats. Vacuuming. You know, British things. When they heard that a new installment of their beloved Red Dwarf was on the way, they returned to their old homes and waited. When it came, they seemed mostly disappointed. But while many of my kin thought Back To Earth was crap, I actually thought it was pretty good. Maybe they liked the old days with the laugh track best.

The show has always had a dramatic leaning, and has preferred to construct characters with some real pathos. Their dynamics and psychologies have been the crux of the show to satisfying and impressive effect. Back To Earth decided to get a bit heavier on that element and present Dwarf fans with a little less comedy and a lot more emotional closure, in case this would end up being the very last of the Red Dwarf crew's adventures. As I've heard it, there's more on the way, and I'm glad for it.

Back To Earth's plot leads from an old and favourite episode from an earlier season, which might be awkward fan service to some, but comes to serve more as a useful and somewhat eerie contrast between the vibe of the earlier series and its current incarnation. This episode's filled with Blade Runner references, and the set work and scene recreations are fun to pick out and ponder in terms of their relationship to the characters. Oh, they visit the Coronation Street pub as well. It all gets pretty meta, which is of course often very trite in television, but in this case, works reasonably well.

So: If you like Red Dwarf and its characters, you really should give it a shot. If you've never seen any Red Dwarf and like sci-fi and laughter, you've got a lot of joy heading your way.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #38: Super Vixens (1975)

Here's how Russ Meyer claims he lost his virginity:

During WWII, Meyer found himself in a French brothel. There he met Ernest Hemingway. When Hemingway learned that Meyer was a virgin, he told the boy he could have any prostitute he liked, and that he'd pick up the tab. Meyer picked the one with the most ample bosom. Later he made films.

And his movies can be pretty surreal at times. If you're unfamiliar with Meyer's brilliant sexploitation work, I'll sum up the basics: incredibly voluptuous women, usually stuck somewhere in arid Arizona, entrenched in hyper-campy battles of the sexes. His films seem to be some kind of reaction to second-wave feminism, and it's debatable as to whether or not his films bash women's liberation or support feminist critique by satirizing sexual politics. For my vote, I find that feminist readings work really well with Russ Meyer films, since men and women are caricatured so completely and intelligently that there's more to it than skin. Women are presented as manipulative psychopaths and sexual enslavers, and men as violent psychopaths and sexual slaves. The flip can be true in other Meyer films, but both genders are always ruled by the power of sex, and the exchange of that power is often disturbing if its not busy with being humourous. Russ Meyer films are a special kind of wonderful bizarre.

Super Vixens is a great example. An evil babe, an asshole boyfriend, a psychotic sheriff, a death, a resurrection, a not-evil babe, a nice boyfriend, Shakespearean vengeance. Of the films I've seen to date, it's Meyer at his most surreal, and possesses Meyer's usual charm in pretty large quantities.

So: If you're going to see any Russ Meyer films, this and Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! would be the way to go.

Earthquake Hits Waterloo Ontario - My Fault

Sorry guys, it was my fault. Pun intended.

Earthquake, thunderclouds?

Best case scenario: A Minor Wurm got bored.
Worst case scenario: It's fucking Ragnarok.

Since the burning of Mel's Diner I'd suspected that a Big Terrible Old One had awoken and razed it to the ground. A dragon was the obvious answer, and I had apologised for not acting on its presence sooner. I still miss the milkshakes.

For weeks I've been searching for clues as to the whereabouts of this mystery beast in the vast network of tunnels and caves that make up the Waterloo Downbelow, which is a place I do not recommend you visit without serious preparation and accoutrement - most important being your travel papers and a magical axe. Maybe bring this guy, to keep the bone-crunching trolls satisfied while you run away stealthily into the shadows of cowardice:

Not that I'd do that to him, he was a good man. Is a good man. If he were to disappear without a trace, I'm sure his friends and family would, out of reason and well-balanced emotion, reach the conclusion that he ran away from home because he hates everybody.

So after battling with some trolls and thumbwrestling some goblins I managed to glean some choice rumours about a big something lurking in the Downbelow. My money, I said to the gnome, is on this being the dragon. I lit up one of my wizard pipes, the one that protects me from thought control, and struck into deepest depths of Waterloo.

It was there I found it - A Great Old Wurm, dripping its malice onto an annoying Happy Bunny dayplanner. "INCINERATE WATERLOO, PICK UP THE KIDS" was written there. Right. Well. I knew what I had to do.

For the next two days I battled that thing deep below, and it was very hard I'll tell you. Whenever my anti-thought-control pipe went out the beast made me do the truffle-shuffle until I could struggle out a match. Anyway, it finally went down around 1:45 pm today, which is what you guys in Waterloo and across Ontario felt.


And what thanks might I get for my labour? None of course. A wizard needs not these things. But when I kick a Great Wurm's ass and the only loot it drops is a Happy fucking Bunny dayplanner, I start to suspect that I've picked the wrong career.

Ooh! Acid Drop to play at the Chainsaw!

Looks like local Kitchener thrash-punk crossover band Acid Drop are going to be hitting the Chainsaw (formerly The Spur, at the corner of King and Dupont) with some bands I have yet to sample in uptown Waterloo this Saturday, the 26th. Be there or be square!

Here's their video for Banana Cream Pie. :3

Banana cream pie

Acid Drop | MySpace Music Videos

Waterloo Airport Airshow Tomorrow!

The Snowbirds: Defending you from the Alien Menace since 1942

Just a heads up on the Waterloo Airport's Aviation Expo in Breslau! It's happening on the 19th and the 20th, just in time for father's day.

The legendary Snowbirds (whom I believe to secretly be a special force of extra-terrestrial counter-measure pilots) will be performing. If planes are your thing, check it out! I went with my pappy to see the pre-show earlier today and was reminded that planes go pretty fucking fast. I was also caught off-guard as to how maneuverable the smaller planes can really be - I'm a big fan of old-school bi-planes, and they were a treat to see.

You can read the airport's write up hereabouts. I think tickets are $15, and $7 for children and seniors.

Objectum Sexuality - Holy Fuck.

Heard of OS before?

It's when people don't form emotionally and physically intimate relationships with other people, but instead find themselves attracted to objects. Like amusement park rides, fences, the Berlin Wall, the Eiffel Tower, an archery bow. They anthropomorphize and animate objects to the point where they can fall in love with them. This just blows my feeble human mind.

Read this article and/or watch a part of this documentary here.

What would I love if I had this sexual preference? Probably this.

Dragon Age Anime Announced

Game giant BioWare and anime giant FUNimation have teamed up to produce a direct to DVD anime film that will expand on the Dragon Age universe, and is slated for release sometime next year, likely to coincide with the release of the next Dragon Age title. BioWare has mentioned that they're aiming for a classic style of anime, which, I hope, means something akin to anime greats like Akira and Ninja Scroll.

The world waits....

Lifeforce is Playing at the Princess!

Heads up! Lifeforce will be screening at the original Princess Cinema on two nights - Sunday the 20th and Tuesday the 22nd!

Lifeforce feels like what would result if a b-movie producer was suddenly given a hollywood budget to do whatever he or she wanted. "So it needs vampires! And zombies! Naked babes too. And they better be in space at some point! Scientists, laboratories, detectives. And we better take this one seriously you guys! Get to it." It's a really bizarre and wonderful genre mishmash of a film. And decidedly British.

You can read the Princess write up here and/or watch the trailer below.



I'll likely be going on the Tuesday. :3

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #36: The Room (2003)

This image, this face, was on a lone billboard for years with the tagline "Can you really trust anyone?" Audiences were not disappointed.

Here's how I heard about The Room:

A friend of mine says "Hey, I need you to track down a movie for me. Have you heard about this movie called The Room?"

I said no.

He says "It's supposed to be the worst movie ever made."

I was interested.

"Apparently Alec Baldwin was walking past a huge line-up filled with twenty-somethings and paused long to enough to ask what was going on. A guy told him 'It's The Room, it's the worst movie I've ever seen. I've seen it four times.' Then Alec Baldwin got in line."

I was very interested.

The greatest Baldwin had this to say: “It’s like ‘Rocky Horror Picture Show’ without the wit or charm.” I don't think that's terribly accurate, since I've always considered Rocky Horror clever, competent, and actually pretty artsy in an elemental and carnival way. The Room is more like a late night blue-movie without the wit or charm. Sorry, with less wit and charm. It is, however, wildly entertaining for it.

It's essentially one Tommy Wiseau's earnest attempt to make a film about human passion and foible utterly ruined by his passion and foible. Wiseau's not a good writer, he's not a good director, and he's an even worse actor. What he does have is the money to produce a motion picture, though, and The Room is a motion picture. I can't really praise it unironically beyond that. I can say that it's been awhile since I've seen a movie this hilariously terrible, Birdemic: Shock and Terror at the Bloor Cinema aside. This'll be a great party movie for sure, and for extra flavour, try downloading the Rifftrax for a couple bucks - Rifftrax being downloadable comedic commentaries produced by some of the old Mystery Science Theater 3000 crew.

So: Beautiful and terrible as the dawn. And Wiseau looks and sounds like he should be fronting a European power metal band. We'll say it's called Owl King.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #37: The Wild Hunt (2009)

All you need is LARP.

I'm really glad that this didn't suck. I'd been waiting for this one to hit the Princess pretty eagerly, since hearing of it and its concept. I dared hope that I could look forward to a Canadian film I could actually endorse with honesty. It's not perfect, but it's good, and left me with the kind of reflective aftertaste that films like Apocalypse Now and Deliverance left me with - that is, a strong brooding on the lizard-brain, violent animal nature in humanity, lurking on the periphery of consciousness and waiting for a chance to assert itself. Powerful film titles to evoke, I know, but the first that came to mind. Wild Hunt doesn't approach their mastery, but is certainly effective in its conceits and is able to work within its own logic.

Wild Hunt follows Erik, a young guy who's girlfriend, Evelyn, has been seeming disaffected towards him and her life. She decides to leave him, and he finds out that she's been immersing herself more and more heavily in the secluded LARP camp that she frequents. Catching some looks from the LARP boys in the car she jumps into, Erik suddenly starts to think that Evelyn has been dishonest in her motivations for leaving and that she's left him for another man. He decides to track her down and speak to her, in a bid to win her back. Things get bad for him. Indeed, the film was much rougher than I had expected, and gave me some sequences I had to work not to flinch from. And not for any gratuitousness.

For those unfamiliar with LARP (Live Action Role-Playing), it's basically Dungeons and Dragons ramped up to its logical conclusion - people in detailed costumes, pretending to be historical or fantastical characters of their own creation in an immersive role-play driven environment. Their conflicts and interactions are governed by Dungeons and Dragons-like game rules, and typically, these activities take the form of large camping events in specialised camp grounds lasting days at a time.

Oddly enough, I actually hadn't expected Wild Hunt to play up the nerdiness of the characters to the degree of comedic effect it went for, and whenever it did it felt pretty hokey and reminded me that I was watching a movie, likely in a theatre with a handful of actual LARPers. I wondered how they were reacting to their representations on the screen. At any rate, it was a bit of fan-service that could probably have been put aside for the much weightier and more interesting characters through which the film does its best work. There are tender and profound moments to be seen, and an ending I absolutely loved.

So: Check it out if you get another chance and support some Canadian filmmaking worthy of your loonies.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #35: The Calamari Wrestler (2004)

Livin', lovin' - he's just a blue squid.

Do you like seafood? You might not. But I bet you would give seafood a second chance were you watching different sea creatures fighting each other for glory and supremacy. Let's give this some dignity: fighting each other in a wrestling ring.

Calamari Wrestler is pretty much what it sounds like, and I'm fairly glad for it. It might be described as some weird and forbidden love-child between Mexico and Japan – that is to say, Mexican wrestling culture with its Santo films and the large monsters of Japanese kaiju cinema. It ends up being a strange, sappy, and hilarious mixture.

So just when the public is losing interest in the Japanese wrestling circuit, a brave challenger comes. A saviour. No mere human wrestler, but a fucking man-sized blue squid. This squid goes on to capture the public imagination and inspire all of Japan with its show of courage and determination. He rises in wrestling stardom, dominating his opponents until some strange new challenger appears – holy moly! A boxing-glove wearing shrimp with super speed! As if that onslaught weren't enough, an even more pressing antagonist emerges from the dark recesses of the world's oceans: a big red octopus. The Calamari Wrestler must overcome these great foes, find love, and reconcile his mysterious and turbulent past.

So: This could only have come from Japan. Watch with friends and sushi.

Ryan Watches A Motion Picture #34: The Lovely Bones (2009)

Mark 'One Face' Wahlberg!

I miss Peter Jackson. The Peter Jackson I once knew.

A man who could make a movie with a kung-fu-fighting catholic priest. A man who thought it best to use a lawnmower to destroy zombies. A man who would make a character take a sip from a bowl of puke so that the aliens wouldn't think he was a spy. The guy who took a decent crack at the Lord of the Rings.

But something changed. Something happened to him in Mordor that I will not utter here. And then he forgot how to make his movies interesting.

Peter Jackson's filmmaking has become, I think, pretty boring and pretty manipulative. The emotions he strikes with are overzealous, the tactics used to deploy them typical, the end concoction powerfully mediocre. He's become pedestrian.

The Lovely Bones suffers from some kind of bipolar disorder. A depressing or heartbreaking scene will be followed by a jaunty one meant to make you laugh and relieve the thin gravity of the previous scene, only to plunge back into the sombre and then soar up towards visual magic and wonder. The movie seems to think that emotions are simple, clear, and can be called upon at the drop of a hat, or often in this case, at the turn of a soundtrack. The movie is pretty over-scored, and when coupled with the frequent moments of pseudo-poetic and voice-over-delivered reflection, Lovely feels like it's constantly ending. And at a two and a half hour runtime, this gets pretty maddening. As the moments go by you might realize that you care less and less about what's happening on the screen, which seems strange when you consider that the movie is about a murdered little girl stuck in a visually fantastic purgatory. Which, by the way, points to the central drive of the flick - the spectacle of WETA workshop's digital effects, hammering all else to the side.

So: Peter Jackson still trying to impress a post LOTR crowd by adapting a moderately risque book. His talents lie elsewhere.

Laddergoat

Video games can get pretty surreal. Sometimes, if you're very lucky and have a pure soul, like the guy playing Call of Juarez 2: Bound in Blood in the laddergoat video, a game will do something really unnatural. In those moments, a seemingly mundane NPC or object can be vaulted into transcendental greatness. Something might refuse to be bound by its limitations. A humble goat might become laddergoat.

Keep the volume reasonably low. He laughs piercingly and uncontrollably for 2 or 3 minutes. After he gives up on the goat, you can move back onto whatever it is you were doing. Godspeed you.

The Wild Hunt hits Waterloo, June 4th-9th!

I've been waiting for this one. This Canadian film about LARPers turning savage is getting some buzz. There isn't much opportunity to catch a Canadian film in our current cinematic climate, so have yourself a rare experience. You can read the full write up on the film at the Princess page hereabouts. The screenings are part of the Canada Film Days festival, which should be worth following!

It's screening at the original princess from today onwards to the 9th. The directors themselves will be at tonight's screening to chat and answer questions.

LARP + Viking = Liking!